Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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