if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
