Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
