i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
