this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
