onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
