p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There r osticjed everywhere
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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