the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
