which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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