Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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