So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
