So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
