just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
