We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
