Acid is not a monday night drug
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
