i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
