He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize