someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
