I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
