Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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