I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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