i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
