Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
