Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
