I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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