Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Vodka?
Forever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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