I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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