just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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