I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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