He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
