I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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