I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
