What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
