So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
