I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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