he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
