All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
