dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
