I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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