so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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