I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Someone shit on the floor
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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