you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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