he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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