Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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