You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
