i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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