I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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