ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
