The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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