P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
