I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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